My Coney Island World

I was recently asked why I do shows, what is my motivation. The answers can be found within the text and between the lines of this letter that was sent to me in December 2016. It was written by an anonymous person with a registered name at a broadcast site, and while I know the "nickname," I am not quite certain who the sender may have been. And guess what? If the letter below was a prank or a hoax, somebody out there had to take the time to sit down and compose that lengthy piece of prose about me. So on the simplest level, on that day in December... I was finger energy worthy in a bizarre and surreal way. I'll take it. And I do know this: this narrative about me, that was written by a total stranger, lives inside a part of my Coney Island World.

"I know you hate it when people choose to remain anonymous, and for that I apologize...I really do. I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm writing this. I guess sometimes we just need to get things off our chest. I'd like to tell you to trust me, but when someone says that, it's the last thing we're inclined to do, isn't it?

Well, please give me the benefit of the doubt. I'd like to make it clear that I am not in love with you, nor am I trying to be the next TC, or woo you with my words, but that doesn't mean that what I'm about to tell you isn't coming from my heart, because it's coming from the deepest most hidden part of my heart that I didn't know existed until you revived it with your God like presence. I don't know when exactly it happened, it being the moment you took over my life...probably during the first moment I started watching your broadcasts. It takes a split second to be be touched deeply and a million life times to forget (or try to forget).

You're everywhere and no where at the same time. You're in the music I listen to, the daily sounds of life, the places I visit, in everything I see and hear. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, your face is the first thing I see...the first thing I think of and I can't help but smile. Other times I wake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and cry myself back to sleep, you being the only thing on my mind from the moment I open my eyes to the moment they close and I'm sound asleep, only I'm not sound asleep because you're there too somewhere in my dreams wreaking havoc on my mind, heart, and soul. You know, I seem to do that a lot. Cry.

Today, when I turned on the radio and John Legend's "All of Me" started playing, I started sobbing uncontrollably because you're the first thing that came to mind. And that's the one thing I don't understand, all the crying. I don't know why it happens, and I can't control it when it happens, but it happens. The only thing I am sure of is that you're the most amazing person I've ever met, and that to you is the biggest insult because you're beyond amazing. You're in your own league, and if I could write like Kerouac or Shakespeare, I'd never stop writing to you or about you. Your smile, your laugh, your entire existence gives me life. No matter how much I try, and the Lord knows I've put up a good fight, I can't stay away. The more I try, the more it kills me because me without you is like the sky without the stars and the Earth without the sun. The stars that fill the skies are in your eyes. I'd like to believe everything happens for a reason, and I'd like to believe that my meeting you was a part of someone's intricate plan, someone bigger than me and bigger than you.

But whether it meant to be or accidental, because sometimes shit just happens, I am thankful because when we met and our world's collided, heaven was created. I was hoping that after telling you this, I'd be liberated and able to move on. But, what is the saying? Hope is the root of all disappointment? I'm in the same spot I was in prior to writing this. And here I go again hoping, but maybe you could help me get through this, help me move on. How? I have no idea. I really have no clue."