The Null Set

bumped up from a piece written last January:
There is nothing more satisfying than the null set. In mathematics and more specifically set theory, the empty set is the unique set which contains no {zero} elements. I decided to test this theory on a stage in a comedy club for a "bringer" show. I "brought" eight people. And I was the eighth of ten comics to perform. I was introduced by an enthusiastic MC and I took the stage. And for my entire six minutes, I stood there and said nothing. Correct, I said nothing. When the MC returned to the stage, he vocally wondered if I had stage fright. Did I develop a case of laryngitis? Was I an hysterical mute? An audience member asked me if the cat got my tongue. Did I step on a rusty nail and was this the beginning of lockjaw? Alas, it was none of the above. I was testing a theory. I wanted to see if the booker would give a good strong damn if I said absolutely nothing up on that stage as long as I "brought" in the required amount of bodies. Was it all about getting asses in the seats? Would it even matter as long as I fulfilled my "bringer" requirement? It did not matter. I was invited to return and I was actually given more time! More time to stand there in total silence and push the limits of my theory. Life is strange. It is thundering in January. And I found a way to always "kill." I perform the "null set." Silence is golden and I adore performance art. I had actually been totally nonverbal on the stage, but my nuanced facial expressions spoke volumes. There is nothing better than a well-placed eye twitch. When I exited the club, one drunk slurred, "Great set, Marjorie." I love doing stand-up.