Wednesday, January 28, 2009

impersonation in comments now?

I sent off an E-mail to Steve Hofstetter to verify that it was indeed he who left that dopey comment at my blog:

Did you leave a comment at my blog? Just checking.... too many games and sockpuppets on the internet. It's like "To Tell the Truth." "Will the real _____ please stand up?"

He replied:
No. I don't have time for that kind of thing.

Steve Hofstetter

So it seems my number one fan, who still cannot get over me, is surfacing now in names designed to impersonate others. Get over me already, fool! lmao, Try to get a life. Go ban 20 people. You may feel empowered.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

TWoP: it bears repeating

Today's rant from me, the banned TWoP energizer bunny:
Whenever I write about TWoP, some dopey anonymous typist sends a vitriolic comment designed to bring me to my knees in pain. I love a good cyber-roast, but good grief, he or she seems to not "get" my intended self-effacing jokes and replies in a serious manner, and spoils the fun.

me: "my students said worse things to me when I simply asked them for their homework."

commenter: "So let's see... your students hated you as much as everyone else does... and the only person who leaves supportive comments on your blog is YOU. Yup... friendless and alone."

me: Can we all say: "IQ check?" The comment above is a rare gem because it serves to prove my point. The "so let's see" is the biggest laugh of all. The fool is drawing conclusions about me! The phrase "so let's see" is designed for the commenter's self-empowerment and he or she follows it with some idiotic cyber-analysis based on nothing tangible. And the only time this commenter surfaces is on the entries about TelevisionWithoutPity.

So, let ME see! OK, I smell a mod... or a mod groupie who drank the special blend of TWoP Kool-Aid and his knee-jerk reaction when I write about TWoP is to surface in a villifying manner with comments he thinks will hurt me. I think: "blow it out of your tuchas" every time.

TWoP mods. What a strange collection of power hungry, unhappy, and disgruntled characters. They seem a bit slap-happy. Can you imagine spending hours writing pages and pages and pages for a TV "recap?" They bring long-winded to a whole new level. Brevity is not their strong suit. They are also an angry lot, arbitrarily banning members for their own transparent sense of fun. There is one mod who bans many members perhaps because he resembles a werewolf. I am sure he bans more people when there is a full moon. I have seen some photos of the other moderators as well... and it does all makes sense. A (former) infamous mod is in her 20s and looks older than I do at 60. She seems to have plenty of displaced anger and in her commands she seemed to be fighting some old unresolved fight. She was a bit school marmish with that goofy and hilarious: "Topic!" The topic should have been: "other ways for a young person to occupy her time." When I was her age, I never would have wasted so much time on a computer. And banning people would so not have interested me on any level. I was out having fun. I think their moderator status makes them think they were accepted into some kind of Theta Sigma Delta. They would have been orgasmic during pledge week.

No need to thwart the vitriol.! Actually, I have no interest in "supportive comments" or any comments. I do not measure my entelechy by "supportive comments." I have excellent self-esteem and I am quite satisfied to blog with no audience interactions. Bye-bye peanut gallery. Or "hello" peanut gallery. Whateva floats ya boat.

I do smell a disgruntled and angry mod in those anonymously sent comments. A coward. When I went to a mod's blog and left comments, I signed my name. Yes indeed, I signed my name. I am ordering mods to ban 30 people a day. I would love that website to be hoisted on it's own petard. And it will eventually happen. If the three top cheeses from TWoP quit, and "Project Runway" is now history... anything is possible. I do have my fever dreams in my own special brand of crazy.

The above photo: circa the future: 2028, a TWoPcon (the lady on the left on a good day banned 40 people in one fell swoop)

Thursday, January 8, 2009

three phrases to never use in a query letter

1. I hope you accept simultaneous submissions.
2. Honestly, I think the whole process of sending these query letters and waiting for validation is demeaning.
3. You are a total stranger and you cannot diminish my self-esteem.

And another total no-no: I am choosing to self-publish if you reject this query.

Monday, January 5, 2009


OUT: babyish "anonymous" comments
IN: "John Hancocks"

me, when I was your age:

Ha! I would not have wasted one minute of my time sending (anonymous!) comments on the internet to an old lady. And if I did, I would have signed my name. I was like that, brash sans mask. I bet me bottom dollar my commenter is connected in some way to TWoP. Here is my reply:
That should keep ya mind off me, but I do realize I am compelling. And you cannot stay away. I own your nimble fingers. May I suggest a good deprogramming facility? Who forced you to drink my special blend of Kool-Aid? I had closed comments and that thwart must have made your brain explode. So I had rachmanus, I opened comments but you really must find some way to get over me and that letter to Lauren Zalaznick. I may write another one, rofl. Now get over me... try.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

last night I dreamed

Last night I dreamed I got "supportive comments" at my blog. "Supportive comments." lmaoooooooooooooooooo No comments 4 me. So when I awakened, I decided to update a previously posted photo to make it look like I have a blog. lmaooooooooooooooo I MUST open comments so my number one fan can vent. He must be imploding from such thwart. I will publish all his comments and bask in the glory. Now my fan can have some activity to satisfy his unresolved anger. Send those comments, my Pavlov dog. Dance for me like my own personal marionette. But please note, I won't publish any comments you send with the "c" word. Please omit expletives, thank-you. This blog is rated G.

Friday, January 2, 2009

walking sideways on a spiral staircase

The retired teacher closed her eyes and remembered back to the day when, as a young twenty-two year old rookie, she approached a student and timidly asked to see the homework. The student turned and laughingly replied, "Suck d**k, bitch."

That night she called the student's home to discuss such outrageous behavior. The student answered the phone. The young teacher asked to speak to a parent and the student called, "Ma, my teacher wants to talk to you." In the background, the teacher could hear the mother say in a low voice: "Tell her I am not home."

The teacher did not know then that it was going to be a very long thirty-four years. There would be days where she would catch handfuls of spit left behind on staircase bannisters for the purpose of grossing out the unsuspecting victims of the nasty and foul prank. There would be days she would be so tired she would want to go home in an ambulance. Yes, the years were filled with sagas.

I am that teacher and those years were my years... and I so own them.

BRB... I hear some activity in the hallway.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

out, in

out: TWoP
in: IMDb
out: Joe Eszterhas
in: Robert Siegel
out: forum bans
in: sockpuppet user names
out: saying "shut-up, Oprah"
in: saying "encore"
out: flat hair
in: high hair
out: Tara Ariano
in: Jeff Hoeh
out: Dan Manu
in: Lee Stranahan
out: anonymous comments
in: moderated comments
out: lemmings
in: a cheese who stands alone
out: Marquee
in: Lucy's Friends of the Friendless
out: Brody Jenner
in: Robert Blue
out: youth
in: seniors
out: Miss Ali
in: Barnes
out: blogs with commentary on the lives of others
in: self-centered blogs about only the writer
out: Sue Mengers
in: Kate Lee
out: begging for a literary agent
in: self-publishing
out: Whole Foods
in: Westside Market
out: "Mad Men" and "Revolutionary Road"
in: Anais Nin
out: fashionistas
in: wearing the same outfit everyday and calling it a "uniform"
out: Richard Meier
in: NYC landmarks
out: Da Silvano
in: Eisenberg's
out: Manhattan
in: North Carolina
out: La Prairie
in: St. Ives
out: texting
in: memo book notes
out: Julia Allison
in: Marjorie Levine